He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
