belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
