i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
