If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
