I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
