i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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