I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
