my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
