so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
