Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
