How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
