I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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