Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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