He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
