The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
