Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
