Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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