i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
