i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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