I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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