We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
