it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
