we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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