meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
