Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
