i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
