Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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