I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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