I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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