we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
