Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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