You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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