we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
