I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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