I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
