I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
