My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
