He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
