you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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