Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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