everyone is single if you try hard enough
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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