I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
