You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
