weddingsv make me drug and hornr
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
