Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
