What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
