Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it wasn't lemon gatorade
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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