all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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