Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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