Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
