I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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