If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I checked into jail on foursquare
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
