So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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