Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
