Can Purell be used as lube?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
