people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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