Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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