I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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