The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
