I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
