so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're too hungover to prance.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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