this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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