I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
