i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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